in which I disappoint everyone with my opinions

OK, internet, this is the blog post I’ve been avoiding writing because so many people I like have tried to make me read Outlander over the years and I finally did and I didn’t really like it. Librarians have started lifelong feuds for less. We are, surprisingly, a vengeful lot.

I didn’t dislike it, exactly, but, for one thing, it is SO SO LONG and when you’re tired and only read for a few minutes before falling asleep with a book on your face an 800+ page book is not a good option. Because (a) it’s bad for morale and (b) when it falls on your face it kind of hurts, although the one I have is a mass market paperback so it could be worse I guess.

20170612_125836 I’m just checking how it would feel to fall asleep with all of these books on my face. Safety first!

Advantage definitely goes to Bitch Planet on this one. Graphic novels don’t hurt when they fall on your face, plus people will be like, “wow, she’s so cool! IS SHE EVEN A MOM OR IS SHE TOO COOL TO BE A MOM”

And then, secondly, Outlander just didn’t grab me in the feels the way I thought it was going to, and this went on for the first 700 pages or so; and then for the last 100 pages or so it made me very upset, somewhat confused, and made my insomnia worse because I was lying there fretting about sexual assault. I don’t want to go into too much detail in case anyone hasn’t read it yet and is planning to, but it’s very disturbing. This isn’t a negative reflection on the book, exactly, because sexual assault IS disturbing and it should be portrayed as disturbing; so my argument isn’t, “make the sexual assault less disturbing so I won’t be disturbed by it!” My argument is, “Don’t make me read books like this because I get upset easily!” I stopped watching the show partly because of the violence, and as it turns out, I didn’t even get to the main part of the violence! I was just in the violence prelude when I stopped watching! The part that I stopped watching at (where Jamie gets whipped) was just a violence appetizer. So I’m just gonna go ahead and write this one off. In a way, it’s good, because there are like 3,000 more pages of Outlander books I think, so if I just nope away from that I have more time to read other things.

me, when things get rapey in books

The same thing happened with Game of Thrones (both books and show). In that case, it was violence + gutting effect of major characters’ deaths. I just don’t need it, you know? I have stuff to do, man. I am not going to spend my precious time while Malcolm is sleeping being bummed out and disturbed unless there’s some greater purpose to it.

Ironically, the two things I’m reading now that I’m finally done with Outlander are also both pretty rapey/violent, but in a more manageable (for me) way.  They are the second volume of Bitch Planet (President Bitch) and The Lincoln Lawyer. Here is a timeline of my reading productivity:

  • Sometime in March?: Watch The Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix. Ponder Matthew McConaughey’s acting life. He is possibly an actor whose handsomeness actually doesn’t benefit him? Like maybe he would be taken more seriously as an actor if he was slightly less handsome. I think Scarlett Johansson also fits into this category. Discuss. (Also, both have names I can’t spell without looking them up)
  • Sometime in April: Put the book of the Lincoln Lawyer on hold at the library. Why are there holds on this old book? Is it the McConaughey factor?
  • Sometime in May: It comes in. Start reading it. Have to return it because it has holds. Memorize* what page I am on before dropping it in the return bin.
  • Sometime in June: Get it back. START READING IT AGAIN. Accidentally re-read quite a big section due to baby amnesia. That’s ok. IT IS GREAT.

*Forget instantly. Everything that happened to me in the first five months of my son’s life is basically a blur. It’s actually great because I am reading The Lincoln Lawyer now, and I watched the movie, but I do not remember how it ends. I am like the guy in Memento. Or Dory. So that’s good because I am able to enjoy the same movies and books over and over again without the endings being spoiled, but less good for, you know, being a functional human being. Other things I don’t remember: The Netflix A Series of Unfortunate Events; whether I thanked certain people for Christmas gifts; what my son looked like as a newborn.

Unrelated: Does anyone else have the remnants of a mosquito carcass crushed into their hand from earlier because they forgot to wash it? Cool, me neither. Nope. Never mind.


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